A teardrop could fill an ocean if I began to cry. If I began to list out my encounter, I don’t think I will ever want to move forward. But through my strength, understanding, and love from unexpected boundaries, I present to you my heart-felt bye to 2016, with a little, heart-breaching playback.
The year began fearfully, following my coming out at school, as well as, my determination/resolution for the new year. Everything was clashing, but still turned out positively.
At the middle of this year, one of the most tragic days of my life, my parents found out about my sexuality. I suffered through it, and I am still suffering.
I had a pause from school. I was denied the access of connecting to friends. I was threatened. I was battered. I cried. I was down. I was depressed. I felt to die.
This year, I lost the connection between whom I used to think was my only father; the one whom I thought understood and accepted me the way I was. The one I cried and faced during my turbulence. The one who left me and is not ready to return. The imaginary father.
This year, I found a family. I have learnt that the structure of family cannot be determined by blood alone; but extends to those who care, understand, cum accept you just for the nature you’ve always been. They are the family who have used the waves of their friendship to blow away my plight. My guilt. My fear. My burdens. My loss. My ME. They are the ones who have striven hard to understand me and have my back, like I would always have theirs.
This year, I learnt to live originally. To always have it everywhere around my head that, it is my life, and if it digs, it is my choice.
I have learnt the spirit of togetherness and adapted it, which is a great fulfilment for me. I have learnt to always come in concession with my spirit, most especially, my emotions, because they define me better. They love me than the world would.
My heart has been wounded. There’s nobody I could call. I have been grieved, thinking my life would end this year.
I had planned, this year, an umpteenth times, to take my life because it had been miserable. I had planned to leave my parents house because I was the mistake that ever happened to them. Because I was the devil who allowed blessings stayed miles farther.
This year, I learnt to be me. To be the blessing that I am. To be the shame they think I am. To be defensive of myself and mine. To hold back and deny a grenade of sadness.
This year has been awful. It really has been. And I am hopeful that it ends with me, and begins with me, still struggling for the life I routinely dream.
Below are my resolution.
I will be 21 next year, I have found out who I am, but not yet able to attain it.
I am a writer.
I am a poet.
I am a thinker.
I am a gay man.
I am human.
My resolution is to be happy with all of this. My resolution is to continue striving in my field. My resolution is to reach out to like-minds, people who are marginalised, positively. My resolution is to plan on of the other new years. And, if prolly, I have to die next year, I want to feel my impacts in my grave.
Thanks for coming by, 2016. You were a great impact, I must confess. And to everybody, Happy 2017 in advance